A Silver Lining

 The economy is at an all time low, houses are going into foreclosure, bankruptcies are being filed in record amounts, families are having to care for their own children and televisions are no longer in every room. Meals are being cooked and eaten at home. Vacations consist of bicycling in the neighborhood, walks in the park and BBQs in the backyard. Garages and  closets are being cleared of former treasures. All of this can be viewed as disastrous.

Or, OMG, is there a silver lining inside this black cloud! Are we really suffering from an economic crisis? Or, are we finally becoming accountable for our superficial, frivolous, and impulsive acts of irresponsibility?  I believe it all depends on how you want to look at it. Why just the other night in the news there was a report that couples are staying together and working out their differences rather than spending money hiring lawyers and quickly filing for divorce. Some may say there is security in the devil you know. But this would be a defeatist attitude.  I choose a different paradigm.  Just as the stock market needs to correct itself so do the people. We, myself included, have for years taken for granted the finer things in life and in a large part given little or no attention to the less fortunate or disadvantaged.

Now we are the disadvantaged and less fortunate. The shoe is on both feet. The difference is, those who were once considered the less fortunate are coping with relying on coupons, close out sales, and staying home a hell of a lot better then the ones who had it all. We can blame the bankers, politicians, stock brokers and YES, even the attorneys. But ultimately, we have no one to blame but ourselves for this mess we created.  Our lack of education, observation and communication sucked us in like boulders into quicksand. So what do we do? Hell, if I know - I'm an anger management instructor.  But, I do know this; more and more of my clients are coming in as couples and families wanting to work out their differences. Parents are beginning to really listen to their children rather than simply hearing them.  Husbands and wives are remembering the reason they got together was not just to balance the bottom line.  Grandparents are no longer the old fogies we visit out of obligation but a source of knowledge, inspiration and wisdom.

What a concept!  People are actually starting to care about each other and not just on Sundays!  The word NO doesn't have to be taken as a personal assault. It can be followed by a reasonable explanation and alternate solution. Keeping up with the Jones’ is so much easier today because they are just as broke as you are and all of the pretense is gone.

Admitting to being out of control is forcing us into controlling our own actions and behaviors.  Rather that minding everyone else's business we are finally weeding our own gardens. Can you imagine what our world would be like if this shift in attitude becomes as contagious as the previous one?  GO FIGURE!

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The Mouse Trap

I am often asked “Why should I care about another person’s problems or angry outburst, especially if they are not directed toward me?”  In reply, I like to reference the Parable of the Mouse and the Trap.

It goes like this: A mouse looked through the crack in the wall to see the farmer and his wife open a package.  The mouse wondered “Is this package something I can eat?  However, he was devastated to discover it was actually a mouse trap!

Retreating to the farmyard the alarmed mouse told the chicken “There’s a mouse trap in the house!”  The chicken clucked and scratched, raised her head and said, ”Mr. Mouse, I can tell you are concerned, but it is of no consequence to me. Go away, I can't be bothered.” The mouse turned to the pig and told him “There is a mouse trap in the house!  The pig sympathized, but said “I'm sorry Mr. Mouse but there is nothing I can do, although I will keep you in my prayers.”  The mouse turned to the cow and said “ There is a mouse trap in the house!”  The cow said, “WOW, Mr. Mouse I'm sorry for you but it’s no skin off my nose.” The mouse returned to the house feeling alone and dejected.  That night a sound was heard throughout the house.  The trap had caught its prey.

Much to her surprise the farmer’s wife found a venomous snake with its tail caught in the trap.  The snake bit the farmer’s wife, and the farmer rushed her to the hospital. When she returned home she had a fever. Everyone knows you treat a fever with chicken soup. So the farmer killed the chicken to make the soup.  His wife's condition worsened; friends and neighbors came to help the farmer.. To feed them, he butchered the pig.  But the farmer’s wife still didn't recover.  In fact she died! So many people came to the funeral that the farmer slaughtered the cow to provide enough food.  The mouse watched from his crack in the wall with great sadness.

The next time you hear someone is facing a problem and it doesn't concern you - think again.  When one of us is threatened we are all at risk. We are all involved in life's journey. We must keep an eye out for one another. In families, as in the workplace, we must remember how important each individual’s role is to creating a firm foundation for success and happiness. When we allow our selfish needs and personal concerns to override or take the place of those around us, we weaken the foundation. But, if we work together as a united front, defeat is no longer a concern.

Not too long ago jobs were plentiful and we were relatively comfortable. Our fat cat attitudes turned a blind eye to the less fortunate.  Today we are all joining the ranks of the less fortunate. Whether we lose our jobs or not we will ultimately pay a huge price for our indifference. How much do you care?

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Why Go Green?

We are creatures of habit subject to a popular vote. Often we form opinions on what looks good, tastes good, or feels good and then turn a blind eye to what is best for us, because it takes effort and may not receive the widespread notoriety or recognition we desire.  We have allowed our lust for comfort to influence our good judgment. And now we are paying the consequences - our beaches are riddled with trash; our seas are vastly becoming dumpsites for unwanted waste.  Our forests and lakes are dwindling into retention ponds, sound barriers for shopping centers and industrial parks. Soon our children will only enjoy the wondrous sights of nature in geography books and on documentary programs on the Discover Channel. We can not separate the impact on the environment from the impact on our families and communities.

Twenty eight years ago I moved to Lake County Florida  from Metropolitan New York. I left and area where it took any where from one  to two hours of drive time to get to work. Industrial pollution and traffic jams were a way of life.  When I came to Lake County I though I had fallen off the face of the earth into a strange land, much like Judy Garland in the land of Oz.  I complained about the lack of shopping and in the same breath I was awed by the rolling hills of Orange Trees and blue waters of the lakes.  This is now a distant memory. Today twenty eight years later the Orange Trees are all but gone and the water ways are brown or green with algae.  I ask again WHY GO GREEN?   Perhaps we owe it to our children and their future.

  “A small group of thoughtful people could change the world.  Indeed, it's the only thing that ever has.”

Margaret Mead

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Truth or Consequence

Children should respect their elders. Is this true?  One’s first response might be, “Well of course it’s true!” However, if we were to think through this illusion we will discover that the reality is children do not always respect their elders.  The sad but more than often truth is that our children don’t respect themselves, let alone their elders.  What happened to trust? Have we inadvertently created a world of fear based families and communities?  If so, what do we do to create a constructive change?

Perhaps we can show our children how to agree to disagree now rather than choose divorce later in life. We can educate them the art of intimacy and safe sex rather than immediate sexual gratification resulting in abortion or unwanted children. We can practice dating rather than mating and show them now to set and respect boundaries. Perhaps we should teach our children to create teams in the workplace rather than quit their jobs when things don’t go right. We should teach them to face their foes directly rather than participate in water cooler gossip and to stop using the little white lie in the guise of preserving another’s feelings or face saving.  We can be examples who offer the truth, acknowledge our personal responsibilities and face the consequences of our actions (this is a clear a path to integrity).  No matter how challenging this may seem, no matter how much energy this may take, the end result will manifest a far better effect on society then hypocrisies and lies.

Lies, deceptions, excuses and denials have become a comfort zone for many irrational decisions. As a consequence, we experience a split society consisting of frustrated adults and an angry youth with neither side trusting the other. In youth, this often creates a yearning to belong and can validate the desire to join a street gang.  We often offer a blind eye to seemingly “minor” indiscretions such as permitting teens to drink at home as long as they don’t drive or allowing them to spend the night with a friend without supervision. By doing this we help to create a breeding ground of overindulged individuals with a you owe me attitude. Is this a safe practice? Probably not.  So why are we doing it?

Do children respect their elders?  Have we earned it?  What examples are you setting?  By seeking our own personal gratification, we have created a generation with many self-centered individuals, looking for love in all the wrong places. Parents Call to Arms! Not of guns and knives but of communication and relationship.  Wake up to the second inconvenient truth!

Earning Respect

I want you to respect me …Obey my every word
But don’t watch what I’m doing …For that would be absurd
Mistakes, oh I’ve made many …But none I thought you’d view
You see I am your elder … Respect must come from you
You say that I must earn it … What is it I should do?
I guess I’ll have to walk my talk …What a concept to think through!

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